The Best Tool a Coach Has
A few years ago, while I was training a group of coaches for a certification program, someone raised their hand and asked a very earnest question:
“What do you think is the most important tool a coach should have in their toolbox?”
I knew that look. I’ve seen it before. I’ve worn it myself. That mix of curiosity and hope that says: Please tell me it’s a framework. Or a model. Or something I can practice until I finally get it right.
So I smiled and said, “You’re probably not going to like my answer.”
“It’s you. Your presence.”
Silence.
I’m fairly sure I saw disappointment flicker across their face. Honestly, I totally get it.
What does that even mean, your presence anyway?
Presence sounds vague, mildly annoying, and not something you can tick off a checklist or highlight in neon.
It’s more like learning to cook without following a recipe. You can know the techniques, but at some point, you have to taste the soup and trust your own palate.
And yet… we all know it.
We know what it feels like to sit with a friend who is truly there. And we know what it feels like to sit with someone technically brilliant who is mentally reorganizing their grocery list.
We feel it before we can explain it. We sense when someone is truly and fully there with us, when there’s tension in the room, when something feels… off.
Research suggests our bodies pick up on those signals faster than our thinking mind does. Which makes sense. We’ve all walked into a room and felt something before anyone said a word.
As coaches, we are not exempt from that.
The Slip from Learning to Laboring
All the coaches I know care very deeply about their work and giving value to their clients. We train-a lot. We read (I currently have 3 on the go! One wasn’t ambitious enough apparently), we watch demos from the Masters on YouTube. We invest in ourselves, again-a lot!
And still, after a session, many of us lie in bed replaying it like a director reviewing footage.
Did I push too hard?
Did I miss something?
Was that silence useful… or awkward?
It’s rarely a lack of skills, it’s usually self-doubt. So we go looking for the next certification, the next magic method, the next structure that will finally make us feel consistently like a great coach. And, slowly, subtly, we become the hardest working person in the room.
We over-prepare, rescue, jump in because the client’s discomfort activates something in us. We fill silence because we cannot quite tolerate not knowing where it is going. We start carrying responsibility not just for the process, but for their insight, their breakthrough, their life trajectory.
At some point, we’re no longer coaching, we’re performing competence. And it’s exhausting.
The more tools we collect, the easier it becomes to hide behind them when the real question is quietly tapping on our shoulder:
Do I trust myself in this moment?
(You’re not alone. Yep. ✋Guilty as charged.)
The Cost of Working Harder Than the Client
Here’s the thing. When we work harder than our clients, we do not just tire ourselves out. We get in the way.
We interrupt before the client can think. We fill silence before it can breathe. We take on emotional labor that is not ours to carry.
And slowly, we erode the very trust we are trying to build. With our clients. And with ourselves.
So what if, instead of adding another tool, we tuned the beautiful instrument we already are?
Because whether we like it or not, we are the primary instrument of our work.
And instruments need tuning. Even the very good ones.
Coach As You Are: Supervision for What’s Already There
This April, I’m launching Coach As You Are, a small group supervision space for certified coaches who are actively practicing and want to work with how they show up in sessions, not just what they say or do.
I’m really excited to open this professional coaching supervision.
We don’t analyze theory for sport or collect new frameworks like rare stamps. We slow down real coaching situations and give them spaciousness so we can practice, notice, and learn from the choices, doubts, and bodily cues that shape our work.
What was happening in us when we interrupted?
Where did our breath go during that long silence?
Did your body lean forward or pull back?
Were we choosing, or reacting?
The group becomes a reflective field. Other experienced coaches help us see patterns we cannot see from the inside. Not to critique. To sharpen discernment.
Over time, something shifts.
We hold silence because it is useful, not because we froze.
We interrupt because it serves the client, not because we felt uncomfortable.
We set boundaries without replaying them later.
We leave sessions grounded instead of mentally rewriting them in the shower.
This is not about fixing our coaching. It is about tuning our instrument so it can do what it already knows how to do.
Is This For You?
This space is for you if you are a certified coach who:
Replay sessions in their head like a post-match analysis.
Feel the subtle weight of their client’s progress sitting on their shoulders.
Want steadiness and self-trust without adding another layer of technique.
Coach As You Are includes:
✔ 5 weekly sessions, 10 hours total.
✔ Small group, maximum 6 participants.
✔ Professional supervision, not therapy, not training.
✔ Grounded in real cases, not theory.
By the end, coaches:
Coach with a steadier sense of trust in their timing, their boundaries, and their presence.
Leave sessions with energy still in their body instead of emotional residue lingering for days.
Notice the urge to rescue and choose more deliberately.
Sit in silence without their stomach tightening.
Stop working harder than the client.
Take their showers free of rewriting replays.
Feel more confident navigating complex, ethically nuanced situations.
Hold clients with depth without absorbing what is not theirs.
If this resonates in a way that feels both exposing and relieving, let’s talk.
Book a discovery call via this link to explore whether this is the right next step for your practice: https://calendar.app.google/hT2Gmmw9GpXHQVNJA.
